Toy Soldier

Oh lord – simmer down people!
The movie, Wedding Crashers, has gotten the Vietnam Vets a little riled up. In the movie and on their website, they suggest posing as a Purple Heart recipient to get chicks. You can read the full article here – but this is the best line:

"Talk to some of these people who don't have legs anymore and see how funny they think that movie is."

Speaking of people posing as military personnel, I once knew a guy who REALLY REALLY wanted to be a Marine.
So much that he lied about enlisting to his friends and family.
He lied about taking a ride in a fighter jet as part of the recruitment process.
He even went so far as to BUY a uniform from the military store and actually wear it out to the bars. He would go out and get free drinks all night and have people thanking him for being so noble. And you know what the worst part about this was?
He was proud of himself! He bragged, “People showed me so much respect, I had so much power.”
Wow, that guy was a real prize piece.
But karma will always come back to get ya!
He just recently got married to a selfish, controlling, manipulative, spoiled girl with bad teeth who doesn’t believe in washing her crotch.
So in his defense, I am sure his marriage is somewhat like the military.

Gwen*: Alright you maggot, get your pansy ass out of bed and get me breakfast.
Nat*: Ma’am, yes ma’am.
Gwen: You are not spending enough time with me – get rid of all your friends so you have more time for me.
Nat: But, I like my Star Wars figurines…ma’am.
Gwen: I don’t give a flying fuck, you poor excuse for a man– get rid of them!
Nat: Ma’am, yes ma’am.
Gwen: And while you’re at it – get rid of the 3 series beamer. It’s so white trash. Get me a 7 series, you shit bag.
Nat: Ma’am, yes ma’am.
Gwen: Now, tell me I am beautiful, you shit for brains.
Nat: You are beautiful, Gwen. But you know what would make you even more beautiful? Maybe if we got those teeth of yours fixed – or at least cleaned.
Gwen: WHAT? I am the most beautiful creature in the world. You are so fortunate to be with me. You should thanks your lucky stars, you ape-like douchebag!
Nat: You are right, you are so perfect, I am lucky to be your slave, er, I mean husband, ma’am.
Gwen: Ok, to make it up to me - get down there and give me oral pleasure.
Nat: But you don’t bathe….ma’am.
Gwen: What? What did you say to me, you scumbag? I bathe!
Nat: But you don’t use soap down there…ma’am.
Gwen: Boy, I am gonna whomp your ass if you don’t get down there immediately! MOVE IT FATSO!
Nat: Ma’am, yes ma’am.

Ahh, isnt' it great how everything evens out in the end?

* These names have been changed to protect the innocent – me.
I don’t want that psycho “Nat” showing up at my house with a “military” issued gun.