RAD

This is the coolest!

Wait until she gets stuck - then you can move her around! It's fun!
I think her booty is all flat from landing on it all the time.
And for the Ryan's out there - here is a description of how it actually works.

I found this on someone else's blog - but it was way too cool not to pass along!

Indecisive much?

I don’t know what my deal is lately, but I am ridiculously indecisive.
I find myself overwhelmed with the simple task of picking out what to wear, which highway to take, choosing what CD to listen to, or the number of minutes I should tan for.

But the most annoying one has got to be my wishy-wahsy-ness about food. Having to choose a restaurant suddenly seems like the most daunting task. Not because I can’t think of anything good, but because I am scared to pick the wrong one. What if I choose to go to Free State Brewery, and I end up getting onion rings and they are too greasy and then my belly hurts, or what if the person I am going with doesn’t like bar food? (Ha! Who doesn’t like bar food?)

I have found myself on numerous occasions standing in front of the drink cooler at a 7-11 trying to decide what type of drink I want. Do I want a soda, some juice, a coffee-ish drink, the hyrdating sports drink or maybe a slurpee? When I finish weighing out all the pros and cons of each, and I finally pick the sports drink. Next I have to choose what brand, then I can’t seem to decide between the 16 flavors that are available.

To illustrate my point further, here’s what happened at lunch today…

So it’s lunchtime, and although it would be much healthier and cost effective, I am still not packing a lunch. Partly because I am lazy, but mostly because I don’t want to sit in the lunch room by myself. I have made friends here, but the awkward 6th grader in me comes out and I get scared.So anyway, it's lunchtime and I am hungry. But my belly is still a little woozy (it has been the last couple days, not sure why).
So although I really need to start dieting and attempt to loose weight, I don’t want to eat just a lil’ salad and be hungry in an hour and then start feeling nauseous. Anyway, I am totally craving a hot dog, especially since I can go next door to Costco and get one AND a drink for $1.50!
But I decide, no, that is too unhealthy, and I just got to eat one last night, so let's get something else. So I go to King Soopers, look in the deli, nothing good. All the prepackaged “meals” if you can call them that looked gross. The sandwiches looked alright, but I decided I should go to an actual sandwich shop so I can get one made for me with the stuff I want on it. So then I drive around for a while but don't see anything.
Then I see a Starbucks and remember that they have some pre-made sandwiches. I go in but the only sandwiches they have are egg salad (not good for the tummy today) and the others look soggy from sitting in the case all day. One of the salads looks good but I think, well, if I am going to eat a salad, I should go next door to Noodles & Company and get a good, big salad. So I go over and pick up a menu.
I am for some reason intimidated by all the high school punks working there. I am worried that they will point and laugh and yell “you looser – you have no friends – you are eating by yourself! And you have a big head!”
So I quickly point to a salad that has the word Thai in it, Thai is always good.
"Chicken with that?"
“Sure.”
I don’t order a drink, because I have water in the car.
So $9.00 later, I am sitting waiting for my salad. I decide to take it to go because the whole place smells like dirty wash rags and I am still insecure around the teeny boppers. So I go to my car and drive to a shady (sort of) spot in a parking lot.
Ahh, finally time to eat. And of course - the salad is NASTY!
It's soaked in spicy Caesar dressing. Ok, I am a saucy person, I love condiments; I soak my pancakes in butter and drown my macaroni in gravy, and I usually like my dressing pretty heavy. But the lettuce is like drowning in it. And the chicken is GROSS! It's got skin on it; it tastes just like fried chicken from KFC, which by the way, I hate. And to top it off, the dressing is SUPER spicy.
So I go to get a drink of water. Stupid me! What was I thinking? This water bottle has been sitting in my car all day and it's like 90 degrees out.
So it's BOILING hot, but the dressing is sooo spicy that I have to drink it.
Ugh, THAT’S IT! I can't even eat this salad!
So what do I do?
Go to Costco to get a hot dog!
What did I learn from this experience?
The desire to not puke will always supersede the desire to eat healthy – so just eat a hot dog.

Maybe if I can apply this same “eat a hot dog” theory to other areas of my life, I would be a much happier girl.

Mexican Shits

So one of my best friends just returned from her honeymoon.
Here’s a recent IM exchange we had:

Mande:
Can I tell you how sick I am of having the Mexican shits?
Both Spencer and I have still not shit normal- its getting old.
I mean all the wonderful colors are great- but my God the burning is uncalled for...
We have been home almost a week now- and still no solid shits... I could really go for a shit where I had to push instead of running to the bathroom cuz you’re afraid to fart cuz it might leak out...ok enough details on the Mexican shit.
Jasmina:
Oh no! That is hilarious! Can I quote you on that in my blog?
Mande:
Ya, sure.
Jasmina:
Oooo, can you send me a pic. of you guys in Mexico?
Mande:
I even have one of me on the toilet or one of our Mexican shit. It is sooo gross but you can have it- if you want.
Jasmina:
OH MY GOD! You do????????????????
Mande:
Ya...that is Spencer for ya. Not my idea at all- but I guess I am the one that kept it…it made me laugh too hard so I had to keep it. I know we are an odd couple... but you just don’t understand the Mexican shits- you would have taken a pic. too, for how much time you spent on the toilet.
Jasmina:
Oh dear lord - that is the grossest thing I have ever seen!
I can't believe how open you are about this stuff! So f-ing funny!
Mande:
Ok now - the shit picture is Spencers NOT mine! And the sad thing is that is a second flush... so if you saw the first one... OH MY GOD!!

I had the shit picture on here - but it was just too nasty! But if you really really want to see it - click here http://xs35.xs.to/pics/05263/MexicanS.jpg

Endless Summer

Last night I had the pleasure of enjoying a few of my favorite things –
A warm summer night, a Rockies game, the company of a good friend, flip-flops, and a hotdog!

Isn’t summer the best?
When you are a kid, you wait all school year for summer. As the days begin to grow longer, you count down the minutes, imagining all the adventures you’ll stumble upon. And finally, it arrives, you are granted 3 months of freedom! You spend your days riding bikes with your friends, chasing after the ice cream man, and if you were really good – a trip to the beach! Then as dusk arrives, you get to lay in the front porch swing, drinking a glass of cold lemonade, trading cabbage patch kid cards with the neighbors. Then it's dinner time, and you are called to the backyard for a barbeque, complete with potato salad, grape soda and hotdogs!!! To end yet another perfect day, you spend the rest of the night running barefoot through the grass, chasing fireflies and hoping to steal a kiss from your summer crush.

As I get older, the sheer joy of summer hasn’t faded.
Sure, the lemonade has changed to beer, the 3 months of freedom is packed into 15 glorious weekends, but we will always have hotdogs, flip-flops and fireworks!
Magnificent, wonderful fireworks!

Fourth of July is only 6 days away, and I for one can’t wait!

Craft Corner Deathmatch

Do you dare to decoupage? Are you aesthetically aggressive? Is pain on your palette? Then maybe, just maybe, you're tough enough to handle... Craft Corner Deathmatch, every Thursday night at 9 on the Style Network.

This is a REAL show on a REAL network.
Wow, I am not sure if this is the funniest or most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

The best part is the "All About Amber" page.

"Amber loves rainbows and unicorns."





Nic, Em, Mande - what do you gals think? Are your scrapbooking skills fine tuned enough to take on The Craft Lady of Steel?

Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper

Feeling a little tired this afternoon, I decided I needed some caffeine to pep me up. So I checked out the vending machines here at work for the first time. I just started this job a couple weeks ago – and you have to pay for soda here. Which sucks, cause at Mongrel & Bastard (my former place of employment) the soda’s were free. Ok, well not really – they were a quarter, but I always just stole quarters out of the receptionist’s desk.

Anyway, we have two big soda machines here. I wanted to drink something with caffeine, so my usual Sprite was out of the question – so I was pleasantly surprised to see that we had Diet Dr. Pepper. Or so I thought! As I reached down to extract the soda from the machine, I realized I had just bought a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper! What the heck?

I have been perplexed by this flavor since the first time I saw the commercials for it – it’s diet, and cherry, and vanilla and a doctor and a pepper? How can they possibly fit that many flavors into one little can? I don’t like cherry flavored stuff anyway – so I was disappointed at this colossal mistake I had just made! But being the cheap ass that I am – I didn’t want to spend another $.50 on something better, so I decided to give it a shot.

And you know what? It’s not half bad!
It’s like a fine Napa pinot noir. Layer with complex flavors…(sniff)… the robust Dr. being the first thing you can taste…but you can still find…(more sniffs)…a little pepper….maybe some diet…and there’s even a hint of like cherry…or like a nutty vanilla.

Are you chewing gum?

Where everybody knows your name...

So I was watching Cheers last night - it was the episode where the restaurant upstairs gets a new owner and there is all this commotion about the patrons of the restaurant being too stuffy for a bar like Cheers. And Sam gets all fired up at the demands of the new owner, who is requesting that Woody take reservations and transfer drinks from the bar up to their dinner tab, etc. (By the way - don't you think Woody Harrelson was at his peak as that lovable dopey jackass?) Anyway - my point is - why is the entrance to this restaurant in the bar? You have to take stairs UP to the restaurant, right? And you have to take stairs DOWN to the bar. So doesn't that make the restaurant at street level? Why wouldn't people just walk in the front door?

Sam Malone

seriously...am I retarded?

Ahh - I just wanted to get a picture of me over in the "about me" section - but I am obviously a moron cause this is the only place I can get photos to go.

Anyway, that's me in the middle with some sluts I picked up at the bar.

Rules

Here are the rules that you must abide by if you are going to read (and love) this blog…

• When commenting on a post, NEVER EVER be funnier than I am – if you do, I will come to your house, cut off your fingers and glue them to your forehead. Just try to type like that funny pants!
• Don’t get mad when I tell really embarrassing, horrible stories about you. EMBRACE!
• If I make up an excuse for not hanging out with you and then you check on here and realize I was really just out harassing random boys – don’t get mad. A girl has her needs.
• Laugh – out loud – a lot. I am funny dang it, and I want everyone within a two block radius of you to know how funny I am too.
  

If you don’t abide by these rules….well, I don’t know…I would say that I would ask God to give you babies with heads bigger than mine (bigger even then Bill’s!) but due to my recent humping rampage, we aren’t really on the best of terms. So, do with these what you will.

Welcome!!!

Yippee!
My very own blog to hug and kiss and cuddle and dress up in cute outfits!