Where oh where has my crazy Nic gone?
There once was a girl named Nicole
With her sassy ways, our hearts she stole
She liked to scream, she liked to shout
She liked to shake her booty all about
Her BFF was Miss Paris
That gorgeous, delicious Hilton Heiress
When the Simple Life began,
I quickly became the biggest fan
We watched them venture out of their wealthy bubble
We watched the two get into trouble
We watched them travel in a trailer
Scandalously hitting on every cowboy, red-neck and sailor
Bleach on the pool table, fire on the grass
Unsuspecting families they did harass
Their adventures were crazy, ridiculous, and wild
When the third season ended, I cried like a small child
Then suddenly things began to change
Her new behavior seemed so strange
Gone are the sexy clothes and the chasing of cocks
Replaced by DJ AM and mature chic frocks
Gone is that cute curvy girl with the glittery skin,
Replaced by a pixie who’s shockingly thin
Gone are the nights of drunken debauchery
Now she drinks only decaf herbal tea
The part that makes me saddest of all,
Is the lost of her BFF, whom she won’t even call
The girl who was once her partner in crime
Has grown farther apart with the passing of time
I don’t know who you are trying to be
Is it true that you want to put out a CD?
And now you’ve just published your very first book
What’s next? Advice from Martha on how to cook?
You used to be fun, smoke rock and get drunk
Please bring back that girl full of punk and spunk
Where oh where has my crazy Nic gone?
