Stupid or just plain lazy???

Lately I feel as though every thing I do falls into one of two categories: stupid or just plain lazy.
I recently dyed my hair blonde and have gotten numerous comments that the peroxide may be seeping into my brain. Ha…ha….very funny guys.
Admittedly, I have done some pretty silly things lately, but I think some of them can be chalked up to pure laziness. Let’s examine some of my recent activities:

Exhibit 1 – I recently took a trip to Chicago. After spending a day drinking in the hot sun, we went back to the parking garage to retrieve our car. As we were waiting, I noticed a sign on the wall: “FIRE EXT” I proceeded to make the following joke:
“Why would they leave the “I” out of EXIT?
They had the “I” stencil from the word FIRE.
And it’s still only 4 letters, it wouldn’t have taken up any extra room.”
The rest of the group agreed and chuckled at my witty observation. We even went so far as to take a picture of this ridiculous sign.



Upon returning to Denver, my friend Ryan was scrolling through my pictures and asked about this picture. I explained to him and the following conversation took place:
Ryan: “Are you serious?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
Ryan: “Jasmine! The “EXT” stands for “Extinguisher”, “Fire Extinguisher.”
Me: “Um…oh.”
Ryan: “Are you even near an exit?”
Me: “Yeah!” (I lied.)



Yep, that’s right. There is even a fire extinguisher IN the picture! And no, not near an exit. We are standing next to the ramp.

Verdict: STUPID


Exhibit 2 – I have Direct TV at my house. I have one TV in my living room & one in my bedroom. I pay $6 a month extra to have this 2nd TV in my room. About 2 weeks after I moved in, there was a pretty big storm, and after that the TV in my room didn’t work. I figured the storm had knocked that cable outside loose or something. All I needed to do was call Direct TV and they could have checked the signal and sent someone out if necessary. But I was lazy, and never called. I moved into my place in OCTOBER! So I have been paying $6 a month for the last 9 months for a TV that I don’t use. So it seems that we could mark this one as lazy…but no….the other day I was cleaning my room. I was cleaning the floors and noticed that one of the cords in the corner seemed to be loose and not quite plugged in all the way. So I plugged it in tightly – and what do you know? The Satellite turned right on! Ugh! $54 out the window because I didn’t check the cord!
Who does that? Who doesn’t check the cords? That’s the first thing most people would do, but nope, not me.

Verdict: STUPID

Well, to be perfectly honest, although I know that the TV now works, the remote is missing a battery. I must have taken it out at some point when I thought the TV was broken. It takes a AAA battery, and although I have about 100 AA batteries, no AAA.
So I STILL don’t use the TV because I am too lazy to get up to use the power button or simply go buy a AAA battery.

Amended Verdict: Tie - STUPID and LAZY

Exhibit 3 – I live in house with a small front and side yard. In my lease it clearly explains that I am responsible for the upkeep of the yard. My landlord provided the sprinklers, hoses and a lawnmower. When I moved in I was good about moving the sprinklers to a new location every night. And I even knew to unhook the hoses when it got cold out so that I wouldn’t freeze the pipes. But this spring, I didn’t even think about putting them back out. My landlord just happened to stop by and (understandably) flipped out! I put the hoses out and mowed and was fairly consistent on moving the sprinklers around.
Two weeks later she threatened to charge me the $4,000 it would cost to re-sod the entire yard if I didn’t it back to life. So I finally started to really take care of it. I was watering the damn thing for 2 hours in the morning and like 5 hours at night. It was finally starting to look good and I thought I was in the clear. Then two weeks ago she sent me another nasty e-mail about the side yard.
“Jasmine – the front yard is starting to look good, but the side yard is looking grim, you really need to start watering it.”
I was totally confused – “I AM watering the side yard! It’s looking green – are we talking about the same yard?”
Um, no, we weren’t. I have TWO side yards. The one that is fenced in next to my carport and then the one that is on the other side of the sidewalk. I just assumed that the city... or... someone took care of this. After I got her e-mail I went outside and noticed that all my neighbors take care of their little sidewalk section. Um….oh….oops! So yeah, now I water the OTHER side yard too.

Verdict: LAZY with a dash of STUPID


Exhibit 4 – I am going to lump together a few items here; my passport, my car and grocery shopping.
First, my passport - I lost my Colorado drivers license about a year ago. Since then I have been carrying around my passport. Yep, it’s big and bulky, won’t fit in a pocket and more importantly is hard to replace. All I need to do is go to the DMV and get a new CO ID. But….no, a year later, still haven’t done it.
Secondly, my car – I bought a brand new car 2 years ago. At first it would sometimes have a hard time starting. I took it back into the dealership right away, but they couldn’t get it to replicate the problem. Since then it has gotten worse, and EVERY time I start the car, I have to try 2 or 3 times to start it. I could take it back into the dealership now since it will certainly occur at the shop. But have I taken it in? NO! Oh, and yes, it’s a lease, so it’s under full warranty. So I wouldn’t even have to pay for anything, I just need to take it into the dealership.
Thirdly – grocery shopping. For the last 4 months I have been eating ramen noodles for lunch and dinner. Unless I am out to eat with friends, this is literally all that I eat. Every lunch...every dinner...ramen. At first it started out because ramen is so absurdly cheap. But now it has become a product of pure laziness. I go to the store, pick up one family size box of chicken flavored ramen, and I am set for the next week. It takes me 3 minutes to prepare. Seriously, could it be any easier? No. But could it be healthier and a tad more exciting? YES! But I am too damn lazy to go to the store and buy real food and make the effort to cook real meals. If you looked in my kitchen you would totally think I was a poor college bachelor – ramen in the cupboard, beer in the fridge…and that’s it. Sadly, I am not even kidding.

Verdict: LAZY, LAZY, LAAAAZY

Exhibit 5 – I have a friend named Amanda. One day I was on the phone with my friend Ryan and I told him that I was off to meet Amanda for a drink. I THOUGHT he said, “Tell Amanda Hug & Kiss that I said hi.” I thought he was talking about some doll from our childhood. About a week later I decided that it would be cute if I found a picture of this doll and photoshoped Amanda’s head onto it. So I Googled “Amanda Hug & Kiss.” Weird, the only results I got back were random mySpace screen names. So I asked Ryan about it.
Ryan: “No, not 'Amanda Hug & Kiss', 'A MAN TO HUG AND KISS'. Haven’t you ever heard that saying?”
Me: “Um…no.”
Ryan: “Seriously?”
Me: “Ha..ha…I was totally kidding. Of course I know that saying.” (Lying, again.)

Verdict: STUPID


Exhibit 6 – For my birthday, my friend Mande bought me this rad black chandelier from Urban Outfitters that I had been coveting for some time. I was so excited when it arrived that I wanted to hang it right away. I decided to place it in the corner of my living room. I have vaulted ceilings, so the spot I wanted to hang it from was about 10 feet high. I don’t have a ladder, so I decided that it would be a good idea to place my step stool on top of the couch and reach the ceiling that way. So I moved the couch to the corner, put the stool on top and tried to climb on. To steady myself, I put my left foot in the window sill and my right foot on the stool. It was tricky getting up, but once I was up I actually thought to myself, “I can totally still rock climb, look how nimble I am.” (I had back surgery 2 years ago and haven’t attempted to rock climb yet.) About 2 seconds later as I stretched up as far as I could to touch the ceiling, I started to wobble. Realizing I was about to fall, I decided to go sideways and hopefully land on the couch instead of backwards onto the floor. Good idea, except that as I fell my foot got caught on the rung of the step stool and all my weight cam crashing down onto the side of my foot as it smacked into the metal step. OUCH!!!!!! I stayed doubled over on the couch for a minute and had to talk myself into not freaking out. “Jasmine – you are ok. It just hurts a bit. You are fine. You didn’t break your foot. Wiggle your toes…..wiggle your toes!” After some nasty bruising and silly hobbling about, my foot eventually healed. The moral of the story – get a fucking ladder.

Verdict: STUPID

Exhibit 7 – I have been completely neglecting this blog. I’ve got some decent excuses; I am trying to break into stand up comedy, and have been working on material for that. I need to find a second job and a new place to live. And I have been pretty swamped at work, not leaving me much time to write.
But enough excuses, I could make time for this blog. And I should. And I really will try. :)

VERDICT: LAZY


Final Tally:
STUPID – 4
LAZY – 4

Ok, so I am stupid and lazy. Wow, this post makes me feel really good about myself. Oh well, fuck it, I’m hungry – off to heat up some ramen!